Leonardo returns to town and opens Quicker Stop, another convenience store across the street, specializing in adult magazines and coffee bars. The Quick Stop and RST Video lose enough business that they prepare to close. Jay and Silent Bob "quit" to "work" for Quicker Stop. Leonardo offers Randal and Dante jobs and a college education but Randal blows it. The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer provides the answer on how to take Leonardo down.

Randal and Dante are accidentally locked in the freezer at Qwik Stop while testing the locks. They spend the day reminiscing about such things as the opening of a new convenience store across the street, the last time they got locked in the freezer, Randal's mail order husband, celebrities that have stopped by, their time on The Real World and Happy Days. Silent Bob and Jay try to help but get locked in also. After escaping from that, Randal and Dante get trapped in the video store.

Dante and Randal read fan mail and introduce a new black character, Lando. Randal neglects a shipment of frozen burritos. A new pet store opens next door, and Patrick Swayze works there. Randal fears an outbreak after Leonardo Leonardo is bitten by a monkey and gets food poisoning from the burritos. After Jay and Silent Bob steal the monkey to teach it to smoke, Randal and Dante must track it down, as it is the key to stop the town from being liquidated.

Randal and Dante bet that they couldn't do each other's job for a day at RST Video and Quick Stop, respectively. Randall doesn't make it two minutes. Jay sues Dante and Quick Stop for $10 million after slipping and falling on the floor.

Dante and Randal go to their 10 year high school reunion, while Leonardo attends his 30th. All of Randal's ex-girlfriends are now lesbians while Dante's baseball team doesn't remember him. Leonardo offers Dante the chance to coach a little league team, while Randal beats the "Pharoah" video game and is offered a chance to put his skills to use.

Randal and Dante visit a comic con, where people encourage them to be more true to the movie. Back at the store, Dante prepares for a date with Caitlin Bree. A fair springs up across the street and Jay and Silent Bob can't keep themselves from rushing in every 2 minutes to bring news while Randal and Dante must man the Quick Stop all night.